PAGES – 110


I don’t know why I bothered reading it. Maybe I wasn’t in my right frame of mind to read a book like that. I opted for an audiobook just to see how it feels like. I have no clue about how people can complete books by using audios because I fell asleep within 20 minutes of listening. Then I switched to the good old fashion of reading directly. Clearly, audiobooks are not my thing. So that’s the reason I was stuck with this book and it took me about a month to complete it. Clear indication that I was not into the story. I had a close friend during school who was really fond of this story and would tell me to read it. Although we are no longer in contact now, I heard that she’s getting married next year. I am happy and proud of her. It felt funny and weird to read this story without her by my side now.

It’s a happy, chirpy story. Scoorge is a miserable old man who isn’t at all kind or generous or loves the spirit of Christmas. On Christmas eve, his deceased business partner visits him as a caged spirit, warning him of the upcoming three visits of different spirits and if by then he doesn’t change his ways, he will suffer after his death. So the spirits come one by one: Spirit of Christmas Past who shows him his childhood and his love for his now dead sister and then shows his kind employer from his youth days; Spirit of Christmas Present shows him the present day celebration of a humble family and the live joy of the market goers; Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come shows him the future where he is dead and is mourned by no one. By the end of these trips, Scoorge becomes more and more compassionate, kinder and ultimately mends his ways. I do get it why it’s such a favourite but I think if I had read this as a child, I would have enjoyed it more. Lewis Carroll, after finishing Alice in Wonderland, dedicated it to his goddaughter stating, Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairytales again. Perhaps I shall wait for that.


It’s almost the end of the year. Although I am not a fan of “new year, new me”, I do like making completely unachievable resolutions. For the upcoming year, I plan to not buy any more books. This year I bought 11 books out of which I have managed to read only 4. This habit is getting ridiculous now.

It’s been a decade of writing diaries! Although I started with this…

…but over the years, I have learnt to see through things and tried to understand what’s important and perhaps cried less about exams.

As I have come to believe, life is nothing but constantly redefining one’s highs and lows. It’s amusing to see 10 years worth of a life bundled into 10 books. I have successfully accumulated 10 horcruxes!

These past few months I had been listening to Cardigan and Zombie but then Taylor dropped evermore album and I haven’t stopped listening to a few of her songs on loop. Especially when I first heard marjorie, I let go of a few tears. I don’t think I have ever cried listening to a new song but the words “what died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive, you’re alive in my head” and “should’ve kept every grocery store receipt ’cause every scrap of you would be taken away from me” resonated such profound impact that I haven’t been able to come out of it yet. This year has taught me about grief and it’s one thing that is impossible to share with anyone. You learn to deal with by yourself. There’s no set rules. You don’t know how much you have loved someone until they are gone and you are standing at a place, surrounded by past memories making you unable to move. Every other day you question why all of this even matters and try not to fall apart. Your heart feels like a ship whose anchor has been pulling it down and down until it completely sinks. You carry your sunken heart and try to function as a sane adult for the sake of everyone around you. It’s just not easy. Above all I feel like I have lost faith. Faith in what? I don’t know but it’s not there anymore.

All I wish for the coming years is to learn how to heal. Because god knows we all need a little bit of healing now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s